Losing Hope Sequel to Mercies In Disguise
by crazygirl45
Summary: Two years after graduation, Voldemort is rising, and the war has begun. Things are looking bad, and baby Harry is on the way! When things take a twist in the wrong direction, can the marauders ever recover? Sequel to Mercies In Disguise! Read that first!
1. Chapter 1

**I still don't own Harry Potter. This is the sequel to Mercies In Disguise. If you don't read that first, it won't make any sense. Please review! **

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><p><strong>Sam<strong>

"Lily! Are you okay?" I ask jumping out of the fireplace. Lily owled me a few minutes ago saying there was an emergency, and for me to be over there right away. Kaelin and I had been making dinner when we got the message and immediately rushed to her aid.

"Sam! Kaelin!" Lily gives us both hugs beaming the whole time. "Thank you so much for coming!"

"What's the emergency?" Kaelin asks looking around the living room. Everything seems to be in order. Nothing is falling apart, no sign of any Death Eaters.

"I have huge news," she says proudly. "I'm pregnant!"

"OHMYGOSH!" Kaelin and I both shout at the same time. "Are you really?" We burst out laughing.

"When did you find out?" Kaelin screeches excitedly.

"Just this morning!" Lily says. "I haven't even told James yet. I wanted to tell you guys first."

"Lily that's wonderful," I say hugging her. "How far are you along?" It can't be too far. She isn't showing yet. She's still as thin as a twig.

"Doctor says about three weeks. I should start showing any day now," she says. I can sense the worry in her voice all of a sudden.

"What's wrong Lily?" I ask. She sighs sitting on the brown leather sofa.

"The war. Voldemort is growing stronger every day," she says. "How can I raise a child with Death Eaters around every corner? And I'm only twenty! My parents would kill me of they were still here!"

"Lily," I say calmly. "You know James would never let a Death Eater within fifty miles of you, and you've got five other people looking out for you too! You're perfectly capable of raising this child especially with James." Any one of us would die to keep each other safe.

"My mother had me at eighteen," Kaelin puts in.

"But, won't God be disappointed?" she frets.

"Lily, I have a feeling God has some major plans for this baby. Maybe you having him so young is part of those plans," I say. "Though James is going to flip when he finds out."

"That's just it," she says. "You know James will never let me outside anymore. I'm an Auror! I'm supposed to be fighting! Not laying around here useless while you guys are out there risking your lives!"

"Lily, you have done more than enough for everyone. In the last year alone you've helped with hundreds of battles," I say. "It's time for you to take a break and let someone help you for a chance."

She's silent for a moment, then nods. "Dinner at your place tonight right?" she asks changing the subject.

"Yup! We're making chicken!" Kaelin says. Lily gasps.

"You two are cooking? Lord help us all!" she says dramatically. "I'll be over around five okay? James and Sirius are off torturing Remus, so I don't know when they'll get there, and Peter is visiting his mother, so he's not coming." That doesn't surprise me. Peter rarely comes to dinner anymore. He rarely does anything with us anymore.

"Are you going to tell James tonight?" I ask.

"Yes, I want to tell everyone at once in case James has a heart attack," she says laughing. "I'd better get working on the dessert I've got planned."

"Is it chocolate?" Kaelin asks her eyes lighting up.

"You're talking to a pregnant woman here," Lily says smiling. "Of course it's chocolate!"

"We'd better go check on our chicken before it burns," I say grabbing Kaelin's arm. We step through the fireplace and floo back to our flat.

Our flat is a tiny two bedroom one bath flat, but it suits us perfectly. The living room is the biggest room with plenty of space to have all our rambunctious friends over. A big stone fireplace dominates the room. We added a huge leather sectional with a big flat screen television. Being muggleborns, Lily, Kaelin, and I are the only ones who know how to work it, though I think Remus has caught on. He's not stupid.

To the left of that room is the kitchen. The granite countertops wrap around creating a breakfast bar that separates the two rooms. Brand new stainless steel appliances make the kitchen look a lot nicer than when we first moved in. Living on an Auror and a Healer's salary isn't bad.

A large table overtakes the dining room. Big enough to feed an army, it's perfect for our dinner hostings. When we all went our separate ways, we agreed to meet every Friday for dinner at someone's place.

Last week, we went to the flat Remus and Sirius are sharing for the time being. Sirius is actually a pretty good cook as long as you watch him very carefully. It's very possible for him to burn down the place in the process of creating his 'masterpiece' as he calls it. Remus helped him, so no damage was done, and we discovered something Sirius is good at.

Our rooms are off the living room to the right. The bathroom is in between them with doors on both sides. All in all, it's the perfect place for us.

When we get back to our flat, the timer on the oven is beeping. I dash into the kitchen and take the chicken out. Thankfully, it's still okay. I forget to put oven mitts on, and the dish is burning my fingers, so I drop it onto the stove and thrust my hands under cold water. Kaelin comes in laughing holding a pair of oven mitts.

"These might be helpful," she says sarcastically. I glare at her and inspect my hands. They're a little red, but I didn't hold the pan for long, so no permanent damage is done.

Kaelin takes out the macaroni we made to go with it making sure to be overly dramatic about using the mitts. In the sunlight pouring through the window, something gleams on her finger. I gasp. It's a ring.

"What is that?" I ask gaping at her. She looks up at me.

"What is what?" she asks innocently.

"That!" I say pointing at the diamond glinting in the sunlight.

"Oh. That? It's nothing," she says quickly going back to work. I stop her and grab her hand inspecting the diamond ring around her finger. It's gorgeous, and looks expensive.

"When did this happen?" I demand. "Tell me everything!" She giggles in a way only Kaelin can.

"Last night," she says proudly. Then it dawns on me how happy she seemed after her date with Remus last night. How could I not have seen this before?

"He proposed!" I screech loud enough for everyone within a hundred mile radius to hear.

"Don't tell anyone!" she says. "It's supposed to be a surprise!" I laugh.

"Does this mean you're moving out on me?" I pout.

"Goodness no! We haven't discussed a wedding yet," she says. "We want to wait until after the war dies down, and things are back to normal."

"Good, because I don't know what I'd do without my roommate!" I say. "I'd be all alone!"

"You'd have Sirius," she says playfully.

"You know very well I'm not living under the same roof with that boy until the day we say I do!" I say. That's why I'm living with Kaelin. We all want to keep things Christian. "If that ever happens." I add. Kaelin sighs.

"Sammi, I've never seen a boy so in love. You should see the way he looks at you. It's the sweetest thing ever. He's probably just waiting for the right moment," she says. I frown.

"What if that moment never comes?" I say weakly.

"It will! He's probably scared Sammi! You're the only girl I've ever seen he so nervous over. I remember the day he finally admitted to liking you. He was terrified you'd say no," she says. "Now let's finish cooking!"

**Sirius**

"Prongs!" I call down the hallway of my flat. Where is that stupid antlered freak when I need him?

"Shut up!" calls a very angry Remus. He's been in bed all day after he was up all night. He won't tell me what happened on his date with Kaelin, but from the way he's acting, I think I know. He was up half the night jumping around our flat and didn't go to sleep until around four this morning. I've never seen him so hyper.

"Moony, have you seen Prongs?" I ask opening his door. He didn't even bother to open his eyes.

"It's a small apartment Padfoot, he's gotta be here somewhere," he says throwing a pillow at me. "Now leave me alone!"

"Well, he better show up soon!" I say. "We're supposed to be at Sam and Kaelin's in half an hour!" That gets Remus up.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he whines. I shrug innocently.

"I thought you knew," I say ducking out of the room before he can throw something else at me.

A loud crack sounds, and James appears beside me in a cloud of dust. "Hey there Padfoot!" he says cheerfully. Ever since James got his apparating license while we were still at Hogwarts, he's been apparating everywhere. He loves scaring poor lily by randomly popping up beside her.

"Where have you been?" I demand. "I've been looking all over for you!" I scold him like a small child.

"I went to the store to get some flowers for Lily. I told you!" he says. "Oh wait. You were passed out on the couch from a sugar rush. You probably didn't hear me!"

"Oh," I say meekly. "Wait, why'd you get Lily flowers?"

"Can't I be a good husband every once and a while?" he retorts. I laugh.

"That woman's turning you soft Prongsie," I say. "Sam's going to expect it to start rubbing off on me next!"

"Yeah right!" James says laughing. "Where's Moony?"

"In his room. He's always in his room," I say. "Probably writing love notes to sweet little Kaelin."

"I heard that!" Remus calls. I shake my head. One bad thing about having a werewolf as a roommate: they have uncanny hearing.

"Are you ready yet?" I call. "Prongs, if you got Lily flowers, where are they?" He looks at the ground and shuffles his feet making me very suspicious.

"Um-I gave them to her. At home," he says unconvincingly.

"Oh really?" I ask. "Lily isn't home now is she? She's been at Sam's for like three hours!"

"Alright! Fine! I was asking Dumbledore to have Lily protected all the time!"

I smile and shake my head. "Do you have any idea what Lily would do to you if she found out?" I ask.

"Don't tell her!" he begs. Then stops. "If you do, I'll tell Sam about Hogsmeade the other day." I gasp.

"You wouldn't!" I say. He smirks.

"Try me," he says.

"Ok ok! I won't say a word!" I say.

"You guys ready?" Remus asks opening his door. He's gotten dressed, and has the floo powder ready.

"Yes!" we say innocently. No way is Remus finding out what we were talking about. He'd tell the girls in a heartbeat!

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><p>AN: Was that an ok beginning? I wasn't sure. Please review with your thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

SOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY! I'm so sorry it took so long. I feel really bad about it, but it's up now! Please review!

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><p>Sam<p>

Lily, Kaelin, and I sit in the living room discussing baby showers and nurseries, when the boys pop in. The loud crack scares Kaelin half to death, and she falls off the couch screaming.

"I hate aparating!" she cries from the ground. Sirius and James laugh, and Remus tries to help her up, but she crosses her arms and refuses. Sirius puts his arm around him and sits on the couch innocently.

The timer on the oven begins beeping loudly, and Kaelin jumps up. "The chicken!" we say in unison. Sirius and James give us horrified glances.

"You cooked?" Sirius says. His eyes widen.

"We're all going to die!" James goes on dramatically.

"Shut up!" Kaelin and I shout. I jump up from the couch, and we open the oven. The chicken appears to be fine, so I take it out, remembering the oven mitts this time, and set it on the table.

Kaelin grabs the rest of the food, and everyone sits down. Kaelin is fidgeting with her hands a looks nervous. I notice Remus touch her arm softly, and she relaxes some. I understand how it can be scary to tell everyone about the engagement. I'd be scared to tell Lily, James, and Sirius too.

Thankfully, she doesn't have to. Sirius sees the ring first, and his eyes widen. The diamond isn't small, so it's only a matter of seconds before James and Lily see it too. The lights reflect off the ring making it shine.

"OHMYGOSH!" Lily exclaims jumping up and tackling Kaelin. Rmus looks very uncomfortable with all the attention he and Kaelin are getting. James and Sirius aren't much help.

"Our little kids have grown up Prongs!" Sirius cries wiping a fake tear from his eye. James shakes his head sadly.

"I remember when little Monny used to be scared of the dark, and he'd make you and I stay up until he fell asleep," James says. I notice Remus turn slightly red.

"And remember that time Kaelin first learned about the invisibility cloak? And you scared her, and she-" Sirius began.

"Ok that's enough!" Kaelin inturrupts. "Let's eat!" Nobody needs telling twice, and soon everyone is devouring the chicken.

"So Kaelin, when did this happen?" Lily asks.

"Last night," she says quietly.

"Oh, and you didn't think to share that when I told you my big news this morning?" Lily cries, then slaps a hand over her mouth. The boys are looking at her curiously. Remus, being the smart one, takes one look at her, and smiles.

"Congragulations Lily," he says calmly. James and Sirius looked confused.

Lily laughs nervously, and I know this is not the way she planned on telling James. "Hey James, I'm pregnant," she says giggling. James' jaw hits the floor-literally. His chair leans back slowly before collapsing into the floor. He doesn't move.

"Congratulations Lily flower!" Sirius says ignoring his half dead best friend on the ground. "It's about time!" Lily rolls her eyes and kneels on the floor beside her husband.

"James?" she says. "James wake up." James doesn't move. His mouth is open slightly, and the chair is crushed under his body.

"PRONGS!" Sirius screams jumping his water all over James. After a few minutes of coughing and spluttering and fists flying through the air, James is standing up and staring at Lily.

This looks pretty familiar actually. I faintly remember something similar happening back in third year, when James learned what us girl have to go through every month. He never has been one to handle these things very well.

"Y-you're pregnant?" he says in awe. "H-how?" He looks shocked. Sirius, being the guy he is, proceeds to explain to James exactly "how."

"Well you see Jamsie, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much," he begins.

"Shut up Sirius," James says. "When?" He looks back at Lily.

"Found out just this morning," she says smiling. "I'm about three weeks into it."

"Only nine months to go!" Sirius puts in unhelpfully. "Hey! Can you name it after me?"

"No! Name it after me!" Kaelin and I both shout.

"I haven't even thought about names actually," Lily says. "It's way too early for that."

"We need to get you home, and in bed right now. I'll pick up some ice cream on the way home," James says taking action. He grabs his wife's hand and practically drags her away apparating once they're out the door. I sigh. James has no idea what he's getting into.

"Our girls grow up so fast!" Sirius whines. I sigh again. I'm the only one who doesn't have amazing news. I think back to my conversation with Kaelin earlier. Maybe she's wrong. Maybe Sirius doesn't want the same thing as me. Maybe he doesn't love me anymore.

Sirius

Lily's news is great, and I'm happy for her and James. Kaelin and Remus too, but I already suspected that one. Everyone is very excited about everything, but I can't help but notice the look on Sam's face. I think Kaelin noticed it too. As I watch her smiling for her friends, I finger the small box in my pocket.

Is now the right time? Or should I wait, and make it more romantic? Should I tell her, so she won't be left out? Or is it too sudden. Sam's never been the most romantic girl, but I have a feeling this should be special. So is tonight special enough? Or should I wait?

The battle continues to rage inside my head as I weigh my options. James and Lily are gone now, but I noticed James wink at me before he left. He's the only one who knows my plans. Kaelin and Sam are discussing weddings and baby showers, and Remus kisses Kaelin before leaving.

I hover in the background for a while, until Kaelin decides to go to bed. I'm left with Sam all alone. I don't think she realizes I'm still here as she goes into the dining room to clean up the mess we left. Now I know something's wrong. Sam would never willingly clean up unless something was bothering her. I inch up behind her and grab her by the waist. She shrieks, and I spin her around pressing my lips onto hers.

I can feel her smiling, and I pull away. She smells strongly of raspberries. Must be that perfume Kaelin got her. "Need some help?" I ask. She just giggles, and turns back to the task at hand.

Being a muggleborn, Sam often forgets she can use magic for this type of thing. With a flick of my wand, all the dirty dishes are piled in the sink, and the extra food is in the fridge.

"I always forget about that spell," she says smiling. "Thanks." In about ten more minutes, the rest of the house is straightened up, and Sam looks worn out from all the excitement. It's now or never.

"Sam, I've wanted to tell you something for a while now," I begin. She cocks her head slightly, and I know I have her full attention. "It's funny really, how many times I've tried to tell you, but the words won't come out."

"What is it?" she questions looking confused. I sigh and pull out the small black box from my pocket. I slowly get down on my knee, and Sam gasps.

She looks about to cry as I say, "Sam, will you marry me?" For one hart stopping moment, she's silent. My heart flips, and I'm terrified of her answer. I consider apparating away then and there.

"Yes," she whispers, and I almost fall over. She said yes? She said yes! I jump up and pull her into a hug. I kiss her, and the moment is perfect. It couldn't have gone any better. "Kaelin's going to flip," she remarks pulling away.

I wouldn't expect anything different," I say laughing. "Let's tell everyone tomorrow. You tell the girls, and I'll tell James and Remus. We can both tell Peter when he gets back." She nods smiling.

"I love you," she whispers resting her head on my chest. I wish I could stay forever, but Remus will probably come looking for me if I'm gone too long.

"I love you too," I say pulling away. She waves, and I apparate back to my flat. Best night of my life, and it couldn't have gone any better.

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><p>What happens next? I can't just end it like this. Next chapter will be huge just saying. Something major is going to happen!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

I'm sorry it took so long. I don't really have an excuse...next chapter shouldn't take as long. This is only a very small part of the amazingness and majorness to come! It will only get better-or worse depending on how you look at it. Oh, I don't own Harry Potter by the way.

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><p>Sam<p>

"NOWAY!" Kaelin screeches so loudly she must have woken up the entire country. I cover my ears too late, and they begin to ring. I grin showing her the diamond ring on my finger.

"Sam that's great!" Lily cheers happily. "I knew he wouldn't back out!" I don't have to wonder how she knew. James couldn't keep a secret from Lily if his life depended on it, and I'm sure Sirius told James.

"He's taking me somewhere special tonight," I say smiling. Ever since I got his owl last night saying he wanted t take me somewhere, I've been dying to know where. Sadly he won't tell me.

"Where?" Kaelin asks. I shrug. She and Lily exchange a glance. Oh no. I know that look. It's Kaelin's scary look. Ever since first year, whenever she gets that look on her face, I make a run for it. I do not want to know what she's thinking.

"What are you wearing?" Lily asks smirking. I groan realizing what evil I have unleashed. Kaelin makes a beeline for my room and begins taking every item of clothing I own out of my closet and throwing it in a messy pile on my bed. Lily grabs the basket of make up Kaelin and I share from the bathroom, and dumps it out on my floor. I sigh and sit down on my bed.

I slowly go through the pile of clothing Kaelin has deemed unacceptable. "Sammi, we're going to make you gorgeous!" she cries taking a dark blue casual dress out of my closet. She smiled before hanging it neatly on the doorknob of the closet in her keep pile.

"What color are your eyes?" Lily asks holding up a bunch of eye shadow.

"Blue," Kaelin answers before I can open my mouth. "Go with silver or purple eye shadow!" Purple? I pray to the dear Lord they wouldn't go overboard.

"How about this?" I ask weakly holding up a light green cashmere sweater. Kaelin gasps and looks appalled.

"Samantha! This is a date! You can't wear that!" she cries. I sigh and throw it back onto the bed dejected.

"Hey Kaelin, which eyeliner?" Lily asks holding up three different tubes. Kaelin contemplates for a moment before pointing to the sparkly silver one. I shake my head and decide not to interfere. To disagree with Kaelin and her fashion sense means instant death.

Once Kaelin has a rather large pile of no's and a very small pile of yes's, she moves on to accessories. She pulls out belts and hats and shoes. She holds up a pair of sleek black high heels. "No!" I say shooting the idea down quickly. No way am I wearing heels. She frowns, but puts the dreaded heels back.

Lily moves onto jewelry examining my many necklaces and bracelets. She picks up a small heart necklace and looks at it. "Sirius gave that to me for Christmas in sixth year," I say smiling. I remember the day. Sirius had no idea what to get me.

_"You're too girly for anything I'd get James!" he whined. I smirked. I wasn't the slightest bit girly, but I'd wait and see what he came up with. It was fun to watch him suffer. _

_ "Get her jewelry!" James called from across the room. Sirius' eyes lit up with this idea. So he got me the locket. Inside was a picture of all of us from fifth year. It's always been one of my favorites. _

"He bought it for you?" Lily asks. I nod. She beams. "You're wearing it!" I don't really mind. I like the locket; it's one of the only necklaces I still wear.

"I've got it!" Kaelin says holding up an ice blue short-sleeved dress that reached my knees with a brown and blue woven belt and brown flats. I have to hand it to her. She's pretty good at this.

Almost an hour later, I'm dressed and ready. Lily decided on light blue eye shadow to match the dress, the sparkly eyeliner, jet-black mascara, and the locket. Kaelin curled my hair to perfection and clipped my bangs up out of my face. When I look in the mirror, I almost don't recognize myself.

"Wow," I say in amazement and shock. I look…different. In a good way of course.

"Sirius is going to love it," Kaelin says smiling. Speaking of which, the guys will be here any minute. Sirius and I planned to tell Peter together, so everyone was coming over here right before we left. What would they say when they saw me like this?

Sirius

"Told you," James says grinning at Remus. Remus smirks and hands over a few galleons.

"You were betting on me?" I ask appalled. To be honest, it doesn't surprise me in the least. "Wait! Moony you were betting against me!"

Remus just shrugs innocently. I frown, but choose not to say anything. "Peter's coming back today," he says changing the subject. "He should be here in an hour or so."

"Great! We've got to be at Sam's by three. I'm taking her somewhere tonight," I say happily. "The place you took Lily last year." James laughs.

"Find your own special place!" he whines. I shrug.

"Nah, It's more fun to steal from you," I retort.

"She'll love it," James says surrendering. Of course she would.

"I can only imagine Kaelin and Lily right now," Remus says laughing. "Probably destroying the flat looking for just the right outfit. I smirked. Sam hates dressing up. Hates it. Kaelin and Lily find great amusement in dressing her up and going all out.

Three hours later, everyone is gathered at Sam's. Sam is still in her room under strict orders from Kaelin to stay there. Kaelin and Lily are practically bouncing up and down in excitement. "Ok!" Kaelin says loudly. "Everyone sit down!" We obey.

"Kaelin, Sam, and I have big news. Kaelin and I will go first, and then we'll let Sam come out," Lily explains to Peter. He nods silently. That's Peter. He hardly ever says a word.

"Your first Lily!" Kaelin practically shouts. Lily grins.

"I'm pregnant!" she cries happily. Peter looks shocked for a moment and doesn't say anything.

"Y-you are?" he asks quietly. She nods grinning, but I can tell there's a bit of hurt. She expected more excitement from him. "That's great Lily!" I don't miss the strange look that passes through Peter's eye. I can't figure out what it is, but it's there.

"My turn!" Kaelin squeals. "I'm engaged!" She beams and jumps up and down again.

"To who?" Peter asks looking genuinely confused. I roll my eyes. Where has he been the last three years? Under a rock?

"To me!" Remus says exasperated. James laughs and Peter looks sheepish. He averts his eyes and smiles at Kaelin in his Peter way.

"Ok! Enough about us! It's time for Sam to come out!" Lily says smiling. Kaelin opens the door to Sam's room, and I gape at what I see. Sam's dress looks fantastic on her. Her hair is curled perfectly, courtesy of Kaelin I'm guessing. She looks amazing. James and Remus look impressed as well, but it's nothing compared to what I feel.

She smiles, and a twinge of pink touches her face from all the attention. Before I even realize what I'm doing, I've stood up and walked right over to her. I stand there unsure how to react. She looks up at me; I never realized how short she is. Or how tall I am I guess. She just barely reaches my chin. "You like?" she asks softly. The rest of the room is silent. I run a hand through her soft curled hair and kiss her softly not even caring who else is around.

"I love," I say. "You look amazing." Then I notice the necklace around her neck. She's wearing the locket I gave her. I smile remembering her face when I gave it to her. She looked shocked and happy. I loved seeing her like that. The locket was heart shaped and had a flowery design on it. So un-Sam-like, but perfect all the same.

"Well! Get going then! Sam, take a jacket! It's freezing!" Lily says rushing us away. I don't even bother to acknowledge anyone else as we leave. Sam grabs a light sweater, and we apparate.

Sam

I take his hand and we apparate to a beautiful place. A cherry tree rests upon a tall grassy hill. Fields stretch out for miles in every direction, and sunlight pours through the leaves of the tree. The sun is beginning to set by the time we get there giving the sky a purplish tint. A small blanket waits at the top of the hill.

"A picnic?" I ask. How original. I laugh to myself, but don't say anything. It's perfect to me. Sirius smiles sheepishly.

"James thought of it," he explains, and I nod knowingly. I smile as I sit down. There's a ton of food, and I can only assume Lily cooked meaning she knew and didn't tell me! She'll get an earful later.

"This place is amazing," I say truthfully. "How did you find it?" Sirius averts his eyes from mine. "Let me guess. James." He nods, and I laugh. What would those two do without each other?

I pick up a chocolate covered strawberry relishing the sweet taste. These are my favorites. "Remember when your mom used to joke about us growing up and falling in love?" Sirius asks. I nod smiling. She used to tell us that all the time, but we never believed her.

"She was right," I say. "That's the last time I question her." I smile. A slight breeze makes me shiver slightly, and Sirius wraps his arms around me. I lean back against his chest and let his heartbeat relax me.

"I can't wait until this war is over. You and me, we're going to do something amazing. Maybe we'll travel the world or something," he says. I smile again.

"I'd like that," I say picking up another strawberry. I notice Sirius hasn't touched the food, so I offer him one. When he doesn't take it, I smash it against his face. I jump up laughing as he looks at me in shock.

He gets up, and I run. I kick off my shoes as I tear through the field to the right towards the sunset. He chases me, but he's laughing. When I'm so tired I can't take another step, I flop down into the grass laughing. I lie there watching the sun slowly sink. Sirius lies beside me and takes my hand in his.

"Don't you wish we could just forget about the war? Just escape and never look back?" I whisper. I'd give anything for the war to end. It's already caused so much pain. Marlene McKinnon, Lily's friend, was killed a few months ago. We all miss her.

"Everyday," he relies. "Everyday."

Sirius

I answer her truthfully. Everyday I wish things could be different. That maybe we wouldn't have to suffer anymore. That we could live free. James isn't the only one worried about the birth of his child. It won't be easy raising a child in a time like this. Things could very easily turn for the worst, and the child could be left with no one. I wouldn't let that happen. No matter what happens, if for some reason James and Lily can't take care of the child anymore, I'll be there to take over.

"Sirius?" Sam whispers. "I don't want anymore pain." She has tears in her eyes, and I gently brush them away.

"I won't let anyone hurt you Sam. I'll be here, always," I say. She nods slowly. I sit up. "I mean it Sam. I'll always save you from whatever happens." She smiles lightly.

"I know you will," she says. She takes the ring off her finger and turns it over in her fingers. "I'm just scared."

"You don't need to be," I say. "I'm here." The moment I say the words, the ground explodes underneath us.

The impact throws me into the air. I see Sam on the ground with a pool of blood surrounding her. She's standing, but the ground explodes again, and she falls collapsing onto her hands and knees. I scream for her, but she can't hear me. I land hard on the ground a safe distance from the fire that has ignited. Charred bits of grass float in the air, and yet another deafening explosion fills the air.

"Sam!" I call running blindly into the mess. I hear her screaming my name. She's calling me, but I can't find her. The smoke from the fire chokes me, and I find it hard to breath. Hot ashes burn through my shoes. The heat is intense and I'm not sure how much longer I can go without passing out. I stop, and listen for any sign of Sam.

"Sirius!" her panicked cry sounds through the air. I see her to my right covered in sticky red blood. I run towards her dodging the fire where I can. Burn marks cover my skin.

Sam has a large gash on her head from where blood steadily pours. Her arms and legs are covered with burns and her dress is frayed and charred. More blood soaks her side, but I can't tell where it's coming from. She stops yelling, and her body is racked with violent coughing. I watch her spit blood from her mouth helplessly. She's much worse off then me. I keep running, but it seems no matter how far I run, I never get any closer. I have to save her. I promised. How could this happen?

Sam's image begins to flicker and I stop in my tracks. She disappears all together, and I cry in outrage. I've been tricked. I have no doubt in my mind that wherever Sam is, she's just as bad as that hologram if not worse. I lift up my foot to run again, but feel my head start to swim. I claw at the air with my hands trying to stay conscious. Smoke fills my lungs and burns my eyes. I feel myself falling. Darkness threatens to engulf me, and I desperately try to stay awake. I feel a sharp pain in my head before the darkness overcomes me, and I black out.

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><p>So? Please review! I need feedback!<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Harry Potter. I updated really quickly because I know how bad the suspense must have been!

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><p>Sirius<p>

My head is throbbing when I wake up. Every breath sends fire burning through my lungs, and another fit of coughing. My entire body aches with a raw pain. Open sores and cuts cover my arms. My throat feels dry and, my lips are cracked. I try to yell, to tell Sam I'm here, but my throat is so filled with smoke, my voice sounds ragged and soft. She'll never hear me.

Smoke still lingers in the smoggy air, though it's beginning to clear up. From where I lie, burnt grass and charred dirt are the only things I can see before the smog blocks out the rest. I sit up wincing as my burnt skin rubs against my shirt. Small fires dot the area around me, though the worst damage has already been done.

My legs protest as I stand, and I feel myself shaking. I force myself to take a step, then another one. I slowly put one foot in front of the other desperate to find Sam. Not a sound comes from anywhere. I refuse to believe Sam could be dead. Or worse. I stop after a few moments to catch my breath. The smoke that has filled my lungs makes breathing difficult. After my short rest, I continue on searching for any sign that Sam may have survived.

I stop when I feel a drop beneath my foot. Where's the ground? I put my right foot out searching for the familiar dirt, but find only empty space. My left foot is still planted firmly on the ground, but beyond that, there is nothing. Just air. Alarmed, I back up and almost trip over a clump of dirt. I glance behind me to see the cherry tree still standing unharmed at the top of the hill.

I start up the hill hoping to get a better view of the area from there. I go slow stopping every few moments to catch my breath. The grass at the top of the hill is wet with dew. I wonder what time it is. What day it is. The smoke in the air makes it impossible to differentiate night from day. Was I out for a few hours? A few days? I'm at the top of the hill now, and I grasp a branch on the tree to keep my balance and close my eyes. My head is swimming, and I can feel the blackness threatening to overtake me again. I take deep shallow breaths trying to fight the unconsciousness.

I open my eyes and take in the scene that unfolds before me. Where a field of tall grass and wildflowers used to lie, a huge crater has taken over. At least a hundred meters wide and five feet deep, there are no signs of life. Only darkness. I feel my knees buckle and collapse into the soft grass. Sam is gone. Probably dead. This is all my fault. Tears spill over my eyes and run down my face. I don't bother to wipe them away. I wish to drown in my sorrow.

I clasp my hands around the grass, ripping it out of the ground and throwing it as hard as I can into the crater. I yell in outrage and misery. Sam. She was my everything. My best friend and my fiancée. I wouldn't be the same person without her. Now she's gone. In my furious attempts at destroying the ground, my hand brushes against something hard.

I look down and see something half buried beneath the soil. When I brush away the dirt, I freeze. It's an engagement ring. Sam's engagement ring. I pick it up. The diamond is dirty, and caked with mud, but there's no doubting that it's hers. How did it get here? Did someone put it here? Did she drop it? My gut tells me it was planted. Someone wanted it hidden. Maybe. Just maybe, Sam's still out there being held captive. I have to find her. Who knows what she's going through. I stand finding knew strength. I have to find her. She is my life. I can't leave her out there.

A loud crack sounds behind me making me jump. I spin around to see James standing behind me in shock staring out at the mess below us. He walks closer quickly until he's right beside me. He looks from me to the crater and back again. "What happened?" he exclaims. I don't say anything, but simply begin crying again. James looks alarmed.

"She's gone James," I say my voice ruff and layered with tears. "She's gone." I don't know what else to say. That one sentence continues to replay itself in my mind over and over again.

James doesn't say anything, he simply steers me over to the tree and sits me down. Sobs still rack my body, and I don't protest. I've never felt weaker and more helpless in my life. I don't even care that James is seeing me cry. Nothing else matters except that Sam is gone. I lean against the tree and James waits patiently until I've calmed down. I wipe at my eyes, which are blurry with tears.

"Is that Sam's ring?" James asks quietly nodding at the ring I've still got clutched in my hand. I nod. "What happened?" I take a deep breath ready to tell the whole heart wrenching painful story.

James listens patiently while I tell him about the explosions and the fire. "She was covered in blood and shaking," I say describing the hologram I'd seen. Thinking back, I'm not sure if I really saw it, or if it was just my imagination.

I tell him about waking up and seeing the crater. About finding the ring half buried in the ground. The whole time I'm talking, the reality of everything really sinks in. My voice cracks quite a few times as its still raw with smoke and tears.

"She's not dead," I say forcefully as if by saying the words, they'll become true. "She can't be." I break off and stare at the crater wishing desperately I'll see Sam walking out of the fog smiling. She doesn't of course.

"Where could she have gone Pads?" James asks gently. He's trying to be realistic, but I don't want that. I need to know she's okay. If she's truly gone, I've nothing left to hold onto. The thought of never seeing her again breaks my heart, and the worlds seems to shatter and crumble.

"Voldemort," I whisper. As I say the words, I begin to believe them. It explains everything. The explosion. Sam going missing. There's no other solution.

"Voldemort?" James echoes his voice panicked. I know he's think about Lily and the child. I nod.

"He took her. I'm sure of it," I say. "I have to find her." James nods.

"I'll help you," he says calmly.

"You will?" I say hopefully. Having my best friend by my side might make the pain a little more bearable.

"Of course. I'll be there for you until the very end. You know that," he says. "I'll do whatever it takes to help you find her." I smile sadly. James would help. I know Remus will ant to help to. And Kaelin and Lily. Oh no. Kaelin. How am I going to tell her? She'll be crushed.

"Kaelin," I say quietly. While I'm sure no one has ever or will ever experience the pain I feel now, Kaelin will be frantic when she finds out.

"We have to tell them," James says. "All of them. They'll all help. Any one of us would go to the ends of the Earth for Sam." I sigh. I'll never stop looking for her, not matter what. Sam is my life. My whole world. She's all that matters anymore. I can't lose her. I'll find her. I have to.

Sam

Pain shoots through my arm as I land heavily on the ground. My head smacks the hard stone, and I gasp in pain. I open my eyes slowly feeling the excruciating agony that covers my body. I lie still, blinking back tears. I won't cry. I refuse to break that easily. My hands are covered in sticky red blood, and my dress is torn and tattered. My bare feet are frozen, and I shiver despite my jacket.

I can feel the gaping wound in my side. I know I've lost a lot of blood. I have to stop the bleeding soon, or I'll die. I try to sit up, but my strength gives out and I collapse back onto the floor. A raw pain tugs at my body. Not physical pain. Sirius. Where is he? Is he dead? Did he make it out? Why isn't he here? Where is here? Where am I? Questions race through my mind, but I can answer none of them.

"Who are you?" an old worn voice asks. I painfully turn my head to see an old man sitting on the ground beside me chained to the wall. "Who are you?" He repeats his question.

For a moment, I'm not sure if my voice will work, and when I try to speak it comes out as a croak. "Drink this," the man commands handing me a glass of water. I tilt the glass to my parched lips and drain the glass in one gulp. "Who are you?" the man asks again.

"My name is Sam," I say. My voice is still ruff, but better than before. "I won't hurt you." I don't know why I add the last part.

The man chuckles. "I seriously doubt you could," he says gesturing at the blood still flowing from my side. "You've lost a lot of blood." He tears a strip from his shirt and presses it onto the wound. I gasp in pain, but refrain from screaming. He's trying to help.

"Where am I?" I ask. "Who are you?"

"Who I am is not important," he says. "We are in Azkaban. In a secret room known only to Voldemort and his followers. There's no way out." I sigh. There goes my next question.

"Have you seen a man? His name is Sirius Black," I say desperate for some information. The man shakes his head.

"A Black? Dangerous family to associate yourself with," he comments.

"He's my fiancée," I say coldly. "He's nothing like those pathetic excuses for human beings." I spit the last words out like poison.

"My apologies," the man says. "Was he with you when you came here?"

"I don't know," I say quietly. "T-there was an explosion. I blacked out. I haven't seen him since."

"An explosion? Well, I'd say you're lucky to be alive," he says. He pauses before continuing. "Perhaps your Sirius wasn't quite so lucky." His voice is soft, but it sends panic throughout my body.

He couldn't be dead. He couldn't be. Sirius means the world to me. I can't live without him. "No," I say stubbornly. "He's alive." The man nods not arguing. Smart choice.

"What does Voldemort want with me?" I ask. The man shrugs.

"Who knows? There's no telling with that monster," he says softly. "He kills for pleasure." I can sense he sadness in his voice.

"Did you come here alone?" I ask. He shakes his head absently. "Who were you with?"

"My wife," he says his voice layered with sadness and anger. "He killed her. Two weeks after we got here."

"How long have you been here?" I ask.

"Twenty years," he says sadly. I freeze. Twenty years? No. Sirius was coming for me. He wouldn't leave me here. I bet he's on his way right now. I'll be out of here in no time. I have to believe that. He's not dead. If he is, there's nothing left for me to live for.

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><p>So? What will happen? Will Sirius find Sam? Will Sam die of blood loss before he does? Will Voldemort reappear? Next chapter will be out soon! Please review!<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

I do not own Harry Potter.

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><p>Sirius<p>

James and I sit under that tree for close to an hour. We talk some, but mostly we are silent. We are both avoiding the same thing. Telling everyone else. I know Kaelin will be in hysterics. She'll cry and scream and deny that it could be happening. I know exactly how she'll feel. I wouldn't wish anyone that kind of pain.

James informs me that Sam and I were gone all night, and Kaelin was worried when Sam never came home. She sent James to find us when we still hadn't come back by that afternoon. Now, it appears that night was falling as the thick smoke slowly begins to fade. The hole in the field is like the hole in my chest. A painful reminder that Sam is gone. That she may not be coming back.

Finally, we both know we have to face the inevitable. As much as I'd like to, I can't avoid them forever. So I stand with James and look out into the field once more faintly hoping to see Sam walking towards me. When I see nothing, I nod to James. "They're all at Kaelin's," he says softly. Everyone must have gathered there to wait for our return. I imagine Kaelin is sick with worry. Lily too.

I close my eyes and feel the familiar tug of apparation. When I open my eyes again, I'm standing in the middle of their living room. James appears next to me, and Kaelin jumps up. "OHMYGOSH! I was so worried! Where's Sam! Where were you?" she spills out a hundred questions, and I simply stand there feeling my throat close up. My head swims. My voice fails. I clutch the arm of the couch and sit down feeling dizzy. Kaelin stops talking. Lily is beside James with her arms around him whispering. He's shaking his head sadly.

"Sirius," Remus says quietly. "What happened?" His voice is quiet and gentle. I breathe deeply trying my best not to pass out. Kaelin is staring at me looking lost and hopeless.

"She's gone," I whisper. I feel the tears threatening again, and I do my best to hold them in. My throat feels raw from trying not to cry.

"What?" Kaelin whispers disbelievingly. "What do you mean she's gone?" Her eyes fill up with tears and she sits down on the couch staring at me. Lily is crying as well and she buries her head in James' shoulder.

I stay silent knowing if I try to talk, I'll start crying again. James begins to tell my story and Kaelin hangs onto his every word. As the words sink in, she slumps over and the tears flow harder. She lost her best friend. No one knows if we'll ever see her again.

"Oh Sirius," she cries hugging me tightly. I put an arm around her weakly and hold her as she cries. A few tears escape my eyes, and I don't care. Remus watches Kaelin with a sad expression. I know the thoughts running through his head. He wants to protect her. He doesn't want her to hurt. There's no stopping the dull pain that comes from losing someone you love.

Lily cries too, and even Peter looks sad. He simply stares at the floor and studies the carpet silently. When Kaelin finally lets go of me, I stand up. "I'm going to find her," I say firmly. "She's not dead." I put as much force into the words as I can.

"I'll help you," Kaelin states. Lily and James agree readily, and Remus nods as well. Peter hesitates for a moment before nodding.

There it is. All of us will stop at nothing to find Sam. She's out there somewhere, and she needs me. I'll find her no matter what it takes. I'll find her. I have to. But where do I start?

Sam

I lean back against the cold wall of my cell. The man, as I call him, is asleep on the other side of the cell. I close my eyes briefly. A dull pain in my side keeps me awake. The bleeding has stopped, but I've lost a lot of blood. I know without treatment, it will get infected. I could very well die from loss of blood soon. I feel weak, and my head hurts. I try to stand, but my head swims, and I'm forced to stay put. I look down at my soiled dress. The ends are frayed and charred. Blood soaks the entire right side. My hands are bloodstained too. My hair is in knots.

It's cold, and I pull my small sweater around my frail body as tight as I can, trying to keep in some body heat. I let my thoughts wander and find myself thinking of my friends. I wonder if Kaelin knows I'm gone yet. I haven't a clue how long I've been here. It could've been a day or it could be a month. Time doesn't work the same when you're locked in a cold dark cell. Hunger gnaws at my stomach, and my throat is parched.

I wonder how far along Lily is. Has anything gone wrong? Is she okay? I wonder if it'll be a boy or a girl. What will she name it? I feel tears spill over as I think about my friends. I'm locked up maybe forever. Will they forget about me? Will Sirius forget about me? Is he looking for me, or has he moved on? Has he found someone else and doesn't need me anymore?

The thought sends pain into my heart. He means everything to me. The thought of him not caring about me anymore makes me cry harder. I sob into my sweater wishing I could see him again. What if I get out of here alive, and he doesn't recognize me? What if he hates me? What if he doesn't love me anymore?

A light shines onto me, and I look up to see a hidden door in the wall open up. A face appears. A face I know well. One that I'm shocked to see. No! "The Dark Lord w-wishes to s-see you," he stutters. If I had my wand, I would have cursed him until he was the one lying on the floor bleeding to death. Instead, I simply nod.

He helps me stand, and I take the opportunity to punch him in the face. "That's for betraying us," I growl. "I thought you were our friend." He simply glares at me sadly holding his bleeding nose.

He pulls me along behind him taking care to be very rough. I placed a hand on my side when the blood begins to pour again. The traitor leads me into a room and throws me unceremoniously onto the floor. I glare up at him until I hear a voice speak. "Ah, Wormtail. I see you've brought our guest," a snakelike voice says. "Good. She will prove most useful."

"What do you want with me?" I ask with more force than I have. I glare up at Voldemort, and he chuckles.

"Everything," he whispers. "You'll do as you're told or die. Michelle! Come clean up Ms. Samantha here." A woman bustles over to me and begins cleaning my wound.

"She needs blood sir," she says. "She's lost too much." Voldemort ignores her and begins talking to another Death Eater.

"I'll never do anything for you," I say. "You can't make me." Voldemort smiles at me before my head explodes in pain and I collapse onto the floor writhing in pain. Every ounce of my body is on fire, and I feel the darkness threaten to engulf me. After a few moments of torture, I let it.

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><p>Sorry it's not that good. I promise the next one will be better. A lot is going to happen, and I promise I won't make anymore of these crappy chapters. I just needed to get some stuff out of the way. Next one comes out soon!<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

I do not own Harry Potter.

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><p>Sirius<p>

It's been six months since I last saw Sam. My heart still aches for her everyday. I've never stopped looking. I've tried everywhere. I've been all over the country, and Kaelin's been by my side the whole way. It's heard on her and Remus when the full moon rises. Remus has no choice but to stop looking for a few days. Lily is getting much bigger, and she can't help as much. James spends a lot of time helping her.

They all help where they can. Lily questions people at the ministry asking about Voldemort and where he takes his prisoners. The answer is always the same. He kills them. James has been helping her and me as well. Remus helps when he can, and Kaelin and I are out searching twenty four seven. I miss Sam so much it hurts.

It's August fifteenth. Kaelin, Remus, and I are in Romania. Death Eaters are swarming the area trying to get Dragons on their side. We have to be very careful. I have a lead. I notice the Death Eaters stay in a large cave north of our location. I wonder if they're keeping her there.

Tonight, the warm summer breeze blows through the forest. We have a large tent we borrowed from James. Three bedrooms. Remus and Kaelin snuggle close by the fire. Some would feel like a third wheel in my situation, but I don't even care. The only thing that matters to me is finding Sam. She's out there. I can feel it.

"Tomorrow," I say suddenly. They look up at me as I stand over them. "Tomorrow, we go into the cave." They look at me like I'm insane.

"It's crawling with death eaters!" Remus protests. Kaelin looks scared.

"I don't care. Sam could be in there, and I'm not leaving her to die!" I say angrily. Kaelin nods.

"He's right. If Sammi is in there, we have to save her," she says.

Remus shakes his head in defeat. "Okay. How?" he asks. I freeze. I haven't thought that far yet.

"We'll come up with something," I say. "There's always a plan." True, there is not a plan, but I have to find one. I'm not giving up this easily. Tomorrow morning, James should be joining us. He can help.

I fall asleep with pictures of Sam floating through my mind. It's been three months. Does she remember me? Does she still want me? What if she's forgotten, and hates me because I haven't found her yet? What if she doesn't love me anymore? I stop thinking about it. The thought of that sends a chill down my spine. She's out there, and I will find her.

I wake up early. Much earlier than Kaelin and Remus. I hear soft snores coming from Remus' room, but Kaelin's is silent. James should be here soon. He's my best friend, and I don't know what I'd do without him. He's been there for me through it all. Sam may be gone, but not forever. I have to keep telling myself that. I will find her. I have to. Otherwise, I've nothing left to live for.

Sam

Pain. That's all I can feel. All I've felt for the past six months. My head throbs with unbearable pain, and it feels as if needles are sticking into my side. There's a lot of blood. I can't die. They need me too much to kill me. So they keep me just barely alive. Enough to feel the tortures. My new cell is much colder. Darker. Quieter. It's lonely here, and I fear I'm beginning to lose my mind. I find myself talking to the walls. Crying out. Begging for help. No one can hear me. Those who can don't care.

At first, the questioned me. Asked me all about the Order and my friends. About Sirius. Each memory I was forced to reminisce felt like another dagger through my heart. I held my tongue careful not to give away anything that might hurt my friends. I endured the curses they shot at me when I refused to cooperate. The pain it brought. After almost three months of the same thing day after day, night after night, they decided to try something different.

Three months I've been left in this room. Alone. The room is enchanted. I can feel the magic aura hovering above me. I never feel hungry. Never thirsty. The pain never stops, but continues in a sharp throbbing. Blood pours out from my many wounds, but I never lose enough to die. It always replenishes. For weeks, I cried. I cried over my loss. Over the pain. Over Sirius. Then came the visions. Kaelin and Remus getting married. Without me. James and Lily's child being born. Without me. Sirius finding someone else. Leaving me here to endure this torture forever.

For the past three weeks or so, I've been silent. I've stopped talking to the walls. I'm retreating into my mind. The only place left for me to go. It's safe there. Painful but safe. Memories race through my brain searing my heart with each touch.

Sirius will come for me. I'm sure of it. I will not break. I will not give in. I will wait. He's out there right now looking for me. He'll find me.

I can't tell night from day. The days are blurring together in my prison. When the door opens the light is blinding. I force myself not to cry out as I'm lifted into the air. Pain erupts in my side, and I stifle a shriek. "She's dying," a voice, whispers. "She cannot go on like this for much longer." The words are fuzzy in my ears.

"How long?" another, raspier voice asks.

"Three months at the most," the first voice answers. I can tell it's a woman. The second voice appears to be a man.

"The Dark Lord wishes her presence," the man says.

"She's too weak," the woman protests. "Anymore harm could kill her instantly."

"She doesn't have a choice," the man says. In this moment, I accept my fate. I know I will die here. It's over for me. It's okay. I'm right with God. I had a good life. I can only hope Sirius will be okay. I hope he'll move on. Find someone else. Tears well up in my eyes at the thought of another woman in his arms. What I wouldn't give to be back there once again.

I remember how my parents used to joke about us growing up and falling in love. I never would have guessed they'd be right. I smile despite what I know will happen. Then I begin to laugh. Softly at first then louder until my laughter is the only thing I'm aware of. I slowly drift into unconsciousness.

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><p>So? Please REVIEW!<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

I do not own Harry Potter.

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><p>Sirius<p>

The mission failed. Sam wasn't there. We almost died getting out, and Kaelin is badly injured. Remus had to take her to St. Mungo's. That was almost two months ago. James and I have a plan. It's our last chance, and if it fails, we really have no hope. I have to find her. I have to.

Lily is due any day now, and I know it worries James. It worries us all. Lily wants to help find Sam more than anything, but even she has to accept she cannot at the moment.

James and I stand outside of Hogwarts. The place where we met, where we grew up. Our home. The last person we can turn to is here. Dumbledore. If he can't help, who can? Professor McGonagall actually cries when she sees us. "Sirius, James. How's Lily?"

"She's doing fine," James says and I can tell his mind is a hundred miles away. He'd give anything to be home with her right now, but he'll stay with me because he's my best friend.

"Any luck finding Sam?" she asks me. Not even McGonagall ever called Sam Samantha. I shook my head, and before I know what was happening, she has engulfed me in a hug. "We'll find her." I nod not trusting myself to speak.

I've cried more in the past eight months than in my entire life before. I'm turning into a pansy.

"Ah, Mr. Black. Mr. Potter. I trust you've come to see me?" Dumbledore asks walking into the room.

"Yes sir," James answers. "We've come about Sam." Dumbledore nods looking at me.

"Yes, I thought so," he says.

"So can you help us?" I find myself saying. I want information not small talk.

"Yes, I know where she is," he says simply. I nearly attack him, but James pulls me back.

"And you didn't tell me before!" I cry. He smiles.

"You didn't ask," he says. "Help will always be given at Hogwarts, to those who ask for it." His eyes twinkle mysteriously, but I've got no time for nonsense.

"Where is she?" I say gritting my teeth.

"Azkaban," he says simply. My head explodes. Sam's in Azkaban? For what? Why? HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME!

"Azkaban?" James echoes. He looks at me, and grabs my arm as if guessing I'm ready to Avada Kadavra everyone in the room right now.

"Yes. Underneath it technically. There is only one way in or out. Mr. Black, I suggest you calm down, or I'm afraid I cannot help you," he says. I force my breathing to remain steady and my fists to unclench letting my wand drop to the ground.

"Help me find her," I whisper looking intently at the ground.

"As I was saying, there is a way in underneath the prison. A bit of Polyjuice potion should help you there. Once inside be warned. Sam will be heavily guarded. It will not be easy getting in and out," he says. "I suggest you go tonight. They plan to move her tomorrow."

"Sir?" James asks. "How do you know all this?"

"I have my fair share of spies," he says. "Now go!"

We race out of the room and apparate to James's house. It's become a safe house for us, and Kaelin has been recovering there. When we get there, we hear screaming coming from upstairs.

Immediately, James runs up the stairs his face turning pale. Kaelin, now healed, comes running down almost knocking James over. "Lily's in labor!" she cries. In a flash, James is up the stairs with Kaelin and I following closely. Remus is already in the room. I have no idea where Peter is. (A/N: I apologize in advance. I know nothing about giving birth, so I will probably get everything wrong.)

As a healer, Kaelin has taken it upon herself to deliver the child. "I've never done this before," she panics. Remus strokes her hair.

"You can do it," he says.

"You better hurry! We found Sam!" I say. "We have to go get her. Now!" James glares at me.

"My wife is in labor! We can't leave until it's over," his words are drowned out by another scream from Lily. He takes her hand, and she squeezes it so hard I swear it breaks.

"I know I know," I say quickly. "But Sam is out there maybe dying. I have to save her. I'll go."

"NO!" all four of them shout, and Lily screams again.

"Sirius you can't! You'll never make it in and out by yourself!" Lily says between screams of pain.

"Lily, don't stress yourself out. You're doing fine okay?" Lily nods weakly as Kaelin instructs James to get Lily a wet cloth.

"Guys I have to do this," I protest. "I can't sit here knowing Sam's out there."

"Sirius Orion Black. If you leave while I am giving birth to your Godchild I will personally rip out your heart!" Lily snarls. I gasp.

"G-Godchild?" I stutter. She nods smiling. "James and I decided weeks ago." She broke off with another cry.

"Okay. It's coming. You're doing fine. Just breath," Kaelin says.

A little while later, a small cry sounds as the child is born. It's a boy. Lily cries when she sees him and holds him tightly. I almost smile, then I remember Sam. "What's his name?" Kaelin asks.

"Harry?" Lily looks at James who nods. "Harry."

He looks just like James. It's scary. "MiniProngs," I say. Lily glares.

"No," she says. "Now let's go get Sam!" She starts to get up from her bed, but James and Kaelin push her back down.

"Lily! You just gave birth! You can't go off into battle!" Kaelin says. "You're weak!"

"No one's going anywhere yet," James says staring pointedly at me. I freeze with my hand still on the doorknob guiltily. "We need a plan."

Sam

Eight months I've been here. Eight months I've undergone torture. My most recent torture was being strapped to a bed with no food or water. An IV bag sits on a tall stand, and a long wire attaches to an oxygen tank. I watch as blood pumps from one wire trailing from my side into a container while another wire brings in more blood. It's not healing me. Not even close. It's keeping my alive enough to torture. Even now, if I make the slightest movement, a shock like a thousand needles penetrates every inch of my skin and it takes everything I've got not to scream.

The questioning stopped long ago. Now, they simply wait for me to break. They could probably heal me with magic, though it wouldn't be easy, but they choose to use these muggle instruments that keep me alive, yet dead.

I gave up on Sirius long ago. He's not coming. I will die here eventually. I no longer assume I'll be saved. Sirius is dead. There is no other alternative. He would never leave me here if he were alive, so he must be dead. I hope he died valiantly. I've accepted my fate. I will not give them what they want. I will die. Tonight.


	8. Chapter 8

I do not own Harry Potter.

* * *

><p>Sirius<p>

And so the plan begins. We're grouped about a half a mile from Azkaban, waiting and watching. So far, the only signs of life are the desperate cries of prisoners before they lose their soul in the Dementor's kiss. Thick black clouds cover the dank sky. A storm is brewing. We'd better hope we're out of here before it hits.

I have no idea what day it is. None of us do. I know this fact bothers Remus, as he doesn't know when the full moon will shine. He looks pale, so it can't be too far away. His arm is wrapped around Kaelin's waist protectively, and Kaelin has a determined look etched on her face. We're all determined to find Sam tonight.

Lily, despite James's protests, left young Harry with Professor McGonagall and came with us. She's much stronger and more alert now that she doesn't have the extra weight of a child hanging on her. James stands by his wife in a way that suggests the first Death Eater to touch her will be dead very quickly.

I've not seen Peter in days. He owled us a few days ago saying his mother was sick again, but I have a feeling he was lying. Perhaps Dumbledore sent him on a secret mission for the Order. Thought I seriously doubt that. He's too weak and skittish to be of much help here anyway, so maybe it's for the best he's not here.

Our plan is simple and could easily go wrong, but it's the only thing we've got. James, Lily, Remus, and Kaelin will use the polyjuice potion Dumbledore created months ago just for us to get inside. Once there, they will secure a passage for me. I'll use the invisibility cloak to get Sam, and we'll get the heck out of there. If something goes wrong, Lord help us all.

Lily has a magic bag, the coolest thing ever; it's been magically enhanced to hold just about anything. I have to learn that spell. She pulls out four sets of Death Eater robes, and the cloak. Kaelin adds the hairs to each potion vial and hands them out. After they've all been disguised, and I'm safely hidden beneath the cloak, the four of them enter the door. From my spot several feet away, it appears they get in with no questions asked.

I wait as patiently as I can, shifting my weight from one foot to the other every few minutes. What's taking them so long? Finally, red sparks coming from the doorway indicate my cue. I take off for the door and burst in. I have to stop and catch my breath. Ok, no more bursting into doors.

Once I'm inside, I quickly lose track of my friends. The place is crawling with Death Eaters. How will I find Sam here?

Sam

It's time. In just a few minutes, the traitor will come in and wipe my memory preparing me to move. He will not get the chance. I shall be dead before Peter Pettigrew can inject that vile stuff into me. You wonder why they do not simply use the obliviate curse? Simple. That curse completely erases my memory. It has not been discovered how to just wipe parts yet unless a potion is injected into the bloodstream.

The straps they'd tied me up with are gone. I guess they know I'm too weak to make an escape attempt. I feel under the bed for the needle I'd hidden there. I feel the poison I've doused the tip in run down my fingers when I pick it up. It's the only way to be sure Voldemort never gets any information from me. It's for the best.

The door is opening. I must hurry. I quickly poise the needle ready to plunge it into my heart, but Peter comes in, and I'm forced to hide it. I stuff the needle down the front of my destroyed dress tucking it safely into my bra. He wouldn't dare check there for it. I may be weak, but not that weak.

"Wormtail! Hurry up with the injection! We must move her tonight!" a rough voice calls.

"Yes sir," Peter says scurrying into the room. He busies himself with getting the supplies ready. What they were thinking when they assigned this idiot such an important job I've no idea. If he gets the measurements wrong, it will kill me. Not that it will make much of a difference of course.

"You're a traitor," I spit out at him. He frowns and points his wand at me mumbling something. Pain erupts in my- well everywhere. I scream and scream panting for breath. My face twists in pain. I tell myself not to worry. I just have to wait until he turns his back. It will all be over soon.

Sirius

I stand there for a moment wondering which room to look in first when a scream pierces the air. Sam! I'm sure it's her. I make a move for the room when I hear another shriek behind me. "Imposters!" they cry. I gasp when I see that the others are themselves again. We took too long. The potion wore off.

In an instant, curses are flying through the room. Green and red flashes hurt my eyes. The scream sounds again. I want to help them, I do, but I know that's Sam. I have to save her.

Everything seems to move in slow motion. I dash through the room dodging curses. "Padfoot!" I hear James yell over the roar of the battle. I remember I'm wearing the cloak. He can't see me.

"I'm here Prongs!" I yell back, and he relaxes before shooting another hex at my dear cousin Bellatrix. Remind me to personally see she dies when we get out of here. Just before I reach the room, the ceiling falls. A stray curse had hit it, sending the entire structure down. Thunder roars in the sky as the storm threatens to break.

The fighting continues as rubble and stones fall through the air landing hard, crashing into people, killing them instantly. In one quick sweep through the room, I make sure everyone is still okay. Kaelin and Remus fight side-by-side hitting Death Eaters all around them. Lily seems to be doing well considering she just gave birth not six hours ago. Wait. Where's James. Oh no. Not James. I can't lose my best friend too.

I see him break free from a pile of rocks and struggle to his feet shooting curses the whole time. Another scream rips my gaze away from my friends, and I turn back to the room behind me. A small figure darts out from the doorway running through the room. They look slightly familiar, but their face is masked, and I don't have time to worry about it.

I dash into the room just in time to see Sam with a syringe in her hand. The tip is shiny with poison. I scream her name just as she plunges it into her heart.


	9. Chapter 9

I do not own Harry Potter.

* * *

><p>Sirius<p>

Time slows down. She looks up when she hears my voice, and sadness and regret fill her eyes. Her skin is already beginning to turn paler. She's slipping away. In an instant, I'm beside her ripping the cloak off and begging her to stay alive.

"You can't leave me again Sam," I say feeling tears in my eyes. "I just found you!" With her life ebbing away, she barely finds the strength to smile.

"You came," she whispers, her voice hoarse. "I always knew you would." She leans her head back, and her body goes limp. I cry out not caring who sees. Not caring that there's a war going on outside. I try every spell I can think of, but nothing works. No spell can bring someone back from the dead. I'm too late. Sam, the love of my life, my fiancée, my best friend, is dead.

Her face is pale, her eyes unseeing. She wears the same dress as when I last saw her, but it's been torn beyond recognition. A dark red stain covers the side of it. Blood?

I take her hand in mine and shakily slip her ring back onto her cold finger. I kiss her lightly. I cry. I don't even care anymore. Nothing matters anymore.

"Sirius," I ignore the voice. "Sirius!" The urgency of the voice makes me lift my head. Sam's looking at me, her blue eyes staring into mine. She's alive! What? How?

"Y-you died," I stutter. She smiles at me, and I kiss her pressing my lips to her. Her lips are soft and full of life. She pulls away first.

"I saw Him Sirius. I saw the Lord. He told me it's not my time yet. H-he said he's waiting for another," she says. Another? I don't have time to worry about who the other is. We have to get out of here. Now.

"Sirius," Sam stops me. "There's a traitor among us." A traitor?

"Who?" I ask quickly. She shakes her head.

"They wiped my memory. I don't know," she says sadly. I can't worry about it now. We have to leave.

"We have to go," I say helping her up. I'm surprised by the amount of wires trailing from her body to various machines by the bed. I unhook the one trailing from her side, and gasp when blood pours from a gaping wound I didn't see before.

"Kaelin will help me when we get out of here," she says stubbornly. "I can walk." She presses a hand to her side and staggers to the door. I follow her, stuffing the cloak into my pocket.

Outside, rain pours down making it almost impossible to see. Half of the building is a crumbled mess. Curses still fly through the air, but the sound of the rain drums in my ears. I hear faint screaming and yelling. I half drag half carry Sam through the mess dodging curses. I end up picking Sam up surprised at how light she is. She's about five eight, but she can't weigh more than eighty pounds right now.

Sam screams, and I turn around to see Lily slip and fall landing hard against a stone. She appears to be unconscious. The Death Eater responsible doesn't last long, and James stuns him hard. "Kaelin!" Sam calls, and I spin around. Kaelin is backing away from Remus. He's doubled over. My gaze darts to the sky where the clouds have uncovered the full moon. Full moon! Remus! No!

Sam untangles herself from my grasp and dashes over to Lily. She helps her up and they both stumble over to Kaelin. Before they reach her, a howl splits the cool night air. The werewolf is alive.

The few death eaters that don't run don't live long. Remus kills three with one quick strike. James is behind me now calling for Lily. The girls are maing their way slowly but steadily to Kaelin.

Remus has her backed into a corner. I can hear her voice from here. "Remus. I know you can't control yourself," she's saying. "I know I'm going to die. I don't blame you. I love you Remus. Nothing will ever change that. I don't care what you are. You'll never be a monster."

Remus is advancing on her, and she speaks quickly. "You must move on. Don't blame yourself for this. Please, go on, get married, have a family. I don't know if you can understand me, but the Lord spoke to me today. It's my time. I've chosen to take Sammi's place. Please don't be mad-"

Her voice is cut off by a snarl. The scene next, is the worst thing I've ever experienced. I refuse to share it with you. It's too horrible for words. The memory will haunt me forever. We stand there helpless. We all heard Kaelin and her decision. She was speaking to us as well. This was her choice.

Another howl, from far away, sends Remus running off, and all that's left is Kaelin's mangled body covered in blood. I cannot describe the horror of what I'm seeing. Her glassy eyes look up at the night sky as the rain continues to pour out. Almost as if the heavens are crying. Kaelin is dead.

Sam

I watch, helpless as Kaelin is torn apart by her fiancée. My best friend is dying right before my eyes, and I can't do anything to save her. Her last words still ring in my head. "I've chosen to take Sammi's place," she had said. I cry leaning against Lily. My tears soak her shirt. When Remus leaves following the howl, I can't even look. The sight would be too horrible to witness. I feel Sirius behind me with his arms wrapped around me. He tries to comfort me, but nothing can heal the raw pain of losing your best friend.

* * *

><p>I'm sorry! I had to do it! Please forgive me?<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

I do not own Harry Potter.

* * *

><p>Sam<p>

"We are gathered her today to mourn a tragic loss. Kaelin Thomas was loved by many and suffered her fate bravely," Dumbledore's voice rings out through the small cemetery. Located in Godric's Hallow, it is only a short walk from James and Lily's house.

From afar, the small crowd gathered around the gravesite looks like a sad black spot. Kaelin's mother sobs quietly; her shoulders shake while her husband holds her tightly, his face grim. Matt, Kaelin's brother holds the hand of a young girl, Marie Adams. He's trying his best to keep from crying. It must be hard to lose your sister when you're only fourteen. Marie rests her head on his shoulder letting a few tears fall.

Lily holds Harry, only a few days old, and a few stray tears streak her face. Harry, having no idea what was going on or why his mother's crying, observes the scene with innocent curiosity. James watches with black sorrow, having nothing to say.

Peter stands by himself towards the back. He cries no tears, but instead, looks on in anger. I can only assume he is angry at the death of a good friend. Out of all of us, Kaelin was the kindest to him. I feel a prick of anger when I look at him, and it startles me. I don't understand where it comes from, but it feels like there's a memory I cannot retrieve.

I have no tears. I simply stand, leaning into Sirius, using him as a lifeline as I watch my best friend being laid to rest. I never dreamed I'd be at Kaelin's funeral, especially so soon. As an Auror, I always assumed I'd be the first to go, and in recent months, I was sure of it. Sirius keeps his arm wrapped protectively around my waist acting as the only thing that keeps me from bursting into tears.

Remus. His expression is cold and calm, almost scary. It worries me. We chose to keep the details of Kaelin's death to ourselves to spare him the guilt, but I wonder if he knows. He hasn't said a word since he saw her dead body. Not one. He's been like an empty shell just going through the motions of life in a numb like state and not really even caring.

Dumbledore stops talking and nods to me. I untangle myself from Sirius's grasp and step closer to the eight-foot deep hole that now holds my best friend. The rose I hold in my hand falls and slowly drifts down until it comes to rest at the bottom. The tears come unexpectedly choking me, and they fall down my face in rivers.

I turn away and practically run into Sirius almost knocking him off his feet. His arms snake around my body, and he pulls me closer whispering in my ear. I bury my head in his shoulder and succumb to the tears I've held back for so long. I have yet to regain complete strength after my time of torture, and my sobs leave me weak. I find myself clinging to Sirius in an effort to keep myself from passing out. I force myself to breathe slowly knowing if Sirius realizes my dilemma, he'll make me leave. I try to focus on anything but Kaelin.

Harry is becoming tired, and his eyes begin to droop as he falls asleep. His jet-black hair is just as unruly as his father's. Kaelin would have loved to ruffle it, just like she used to do with James. James always hated that, but from his expression now, I guess he misses it now that she's gone.

I find myself smiling as memories of Kaelin fill my mind. The way she fussed over her hair for an hour every morning, how she used to flip out everytime a guy looked at either of us, the time she and Sirius got into a huge fight over me. They didn't speak to each other for weeks after that one. Kaelin had always been the bubbly hyper one of the group, like the girl version of Sirius. I guess that's why she was my best friend. Now she's gone, but her memory will live on forever. I'll make sure of it.

Sirius

I've never liked funeral very much. There's too much back and sadness. I remember how James and used to promise each other we'd play pranks at each other's funerals. I miss back then, when we were all young and carefree. Nothing rips all that away faster then standing at the grave of one of your best friends.

Sam clings to me like her life depends on it. In a way, I guess it does. Her tears soak my shirt, and by the way she's panting, I can tell she's getting weaker. I have half a mind to bring her home, but I know she'll refuse. I'm supporting most of her weight now, but it's no use fighting with her.

Kaelin's death has been hard on us all, but Remus took it the hardest. He knows he killed her; I can tell. In the three days since he saw her, he's stayed locked in his room without a single word. I've thought about telling him the truth, but I can hear him in his room at night—crying. I can't take away his slight hope he holds onto that he didn't kill her.

I miss Kaelin just as much as everyone else. She was one of my best friends, and though we often fought over Sam she was like a sister to me. She was a part of the closest thing I had to family. The Marauders. Not only did we lose a friend, we lost part of our group. The name Marauder will never mean as much; it's no longer who we are without Kaelin.

It really hurts to know she's gone. It's a dull pain that fills my entire body, and I know it must be a thousand times worse for Remus. I know how he feels, but when I lost Sam, I still had the slight hope she was alive. He doesn't even have that. I know the pain will never go away, for any of us, but we won't let her death be in vain. She died to save Sam, my best friend, my fiancée, and the woman I love more than anything else in the world, and her sacrifice means more to me than anything. It gave me a reason to go on living.

One day, Remus will understand. He'll realize this is not his fault. This was Kaelin's choice. She wouldn't want us to mourn her. She'd want us to move on and fight to defeat Voldemort, the real reason for her death. KAelin will never be forgotten by any of us. Though she's no longer with us, her memory will live on forever.

The words engraved into that marble stone with the angel's face read: Though her time was short, her life was worth much more. She shall live in in Heaven where she will watch over those she died to save.

* * *

><p>No this is not the end. Far from it actually. I still have big plans for the marauders!<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

I do not own Harry Potter.

* * *

><p>Sam<p>

"Sam, you can't go on like this," Lily says calmly. "You're getting to be as bad as Remus."

"I don't see you bothering him," I say testily. Lily frowns and picks up her six month old child, placing him on her hip.

"You know I would if I could," she says quietly. I sigh knowing fully well she's right, but not willing to admit it. "Sirius will be over in a few hours." I ignore her.

"Have you thought anymore about going back to work yourself?" she asks. I shake my head.

"What's the point?" I ask. "I got myself captured and Kaelin killed. I'm a terrible Auror."

"Well, moping around isn't going to bring her back. I need to go to the store while James isn't here. He's got me almost under house arrest. Can you watch Harry?" she asks. "And I do mean watch."

I nod and reach up for the little boy who squirms in his mother's arms and squeals excitedly. Practically jumping into my arms, he giggles. I almost smile—almost. Harry is like the little light in the dark world we live in.

"You know you're welcome to stay here as long as you like, but have you thought about going home?" Lily asks. I quickly shake my head. I can't go back. Not now, not ever. The whole apartment reminds me of Kaelin. "All right. Well I shouldn't be too long."

The door clicks shut, and I hear a faint pop as Lily apparates leaving Harry and I staring at each other. "I'm hungry," I announce to the little boy. "You want a snack?" I carry him into the kitchen and seat him in his high chair. He immediately reaches for my wand, which I've left laying on the counter. I grab it remembering the last time he got ahold of my wand when I left it unattended. Lily's still mad about the stains in the carpet.

Opening the fridge, I sigh when I realize it's empty. It's been so hard for Lily to get to the store what with James being so overprotective. I can't say I blame him. After Kaelin, we've all been extremely careful outside. I find a box of crackers in the dusty cupboard and pull it out. Harry's eyes widen at his favorite snack, and he reaches for the box. I raise my eyebrows. One of the many things my lovely fiancée has taught our godson. How to grab for things.

Despite myself, I smiled and handed him a cracker. He frowned as if expecting me to give him the whole box, but finally chewed on his snack happily. I fix some hot chocolate, my favorite snack, and sit at the table beside him. I watch as he finishes the cracker and whimpers, begging for more.

Handing him another, I say, "You're lucky you know. You have the best parents in the whole world." Then I add, "Plus the most amazing godparents." Harry stares at me blankly. I find jealousy seeping into my mind; Harry is so innocent. He doesn't understand what it's like to lose someone close to you.

"Sam?" I jump at the sound of Sirius's voice. Lily said he wouldn't be back for hours! Leaving the child content with his crackers, I dash into the living room and jump into his arms.

He tries to kiss me, but I turn away. "Harry," I say nodding at the little boy who is now watching us with curiosity. A cracker is in his hand, halfway to his mouth. Sirius shrugs and pulls me closer, pressing his lips to mine. He smiles under the kiss probably thinking about what Lily would say if she were here and saw us snogging in front of her baby.

One hand presses against my back pulling me closer, while the other strokes my hair. I break off when he tries to deepen the kiss unable to keep from laughing. "What are you doing here so early?" I ask. "You're supposed to be working." I clean Harry up and lift him from his highchair. His little head nuzzles my neck, and I can tell he's getting tired.

"Can't I come see my wife every once and a while?" he asks grinning. I frown.

"We're not married yet," I say. He shrugs.

"Why not? We should be," he says pouting. I sigh.

"Sirius, you and I both know a wedding isn't practical right now. Especially given everything that's going on," I say quietly.

"Maybe that's the best reason to have it," he says. "Because of everything that's going on." I shake my head.

"We'll talk about this later," I say. "Why did you really come?"

He sighs and runs a hand through his shaggy black hair. Honestly, he gets more like James every day. "It's about Remus," he says. I almost drop Harry.

"What happened? I she all right?" I ask worriedly. I haven't seen Remus since the funeral, but from what Sirius has told me, he's not doing too well.

"I think you should go see him," he says. "He's not handling Kaelin's death well at all, and I know you aren't either." I sink into one of the soft, fluffy chairs in the living room.

"I'm doing fine," I say stubbornly. He frowns.

"Sammi, I know you better than that," he says. "Just go see him. It'll be good for the both of you." I sigh.

"All right," I say. "I'll go."

"Now?"

"I can't!" I say. "I'm watching Harry!"

"I'll watch him," Sirius says. I stare at him.

"Have you forgotten what happened the last time you watched him?" I say. Sirius gives me his best innocent look.

"It was only a little explosion," he says.

"You blew up the entire kitchen," I say. "Making brownies." He shrugs.

"Please?" he begs. I sigh.

"Fine, but when Lily comes home, tell her this was your idea," I say. He nods and takes the sleepy child out of my arms.

"He's half asleep!" he comments. "He'll be an angel!"

"It's not him I'm worried about," I say grabbing my wand and a jacket. "Is Remus at home?" Sirius shakes his head.

"Tree," he says simply, and I nod. I know what he means. The place holds something big for us all. "Be careful."

"Always am," I say smiling weakly at him. I open the door and apparate.

Sirius

Even six months later, it's still hard to let Sam leave my sight. I saw what happened to her last time and everyday I blame myself for not being able to stop it. I hate to let her go out alone, but this isn't something I can come for. Remus is in pretty bad shape. He's stopped eating, or taking any care of himself. I'm afraid he might die from depression.

Sam pretends to be fine around me, but lily tells me what she's like when I'm gone. Maybe, if she talks to Remus, they'll both come to their senses.

I haven't even told her what I learned at work today. The secret trusted with only Dumbledore's closest Aurors. Things around her are going to change a lot. I'm surprised James hasn't come knocking down the door yet looking for Lily. Unless he doesn't know yet.

I look down at my godson. He's asleep, and he looks so innocent. The poor kid has no idea of what's to come. No idea that the world's most powerful wizard is out to kill him.


	12. Chapter 12

I do not own Harry Potter.

* * *

><p>Sam<p>

I feel the familiar tug as I apparate. For a moment, the world spins around me, making me feel dizzy, and I land hard on the grassy hill. Still haven't mastered landing. My head smacks into a large branch on the cherry tree. I place my hand on my now throbbing head and notice Remus sitting silently a few feet away from me.  
>"Hey," I say quietly, massaging my head. He doesn't answer. "Sirius said I should come see you." Still no answer. I sigh and sit beside him. He looks out at the ruins of what used to be a grassy field. I shudder at the memories the gaping hole in the ground brings. The air is still thick with smoke from the explosion. This one event changed all of our lives forever.<br>"Look," I start, but he cuts me off.  
>"You don't have to do this," he says. "Try to make me feel better. It's not working." I frown.<br>"Remus," I say. "I'm not here to make you feel better. I'm here to tell you that things aren't going to change. Kaelin's gone. You have to accept that." He stands up.

"Sam, I don't want to accept it," he says. "I can't."

"Remus, You have to move on with your life here," I say standing as well.

"Kaelin was my life," he growls. "I killed her didn't I?" I don't answer. "Didn't I Sam?" I close my eyes feeling anger building up.

"There are some things in life you don't need to know," I say calmly. Remus cries out in anguish.

"DID I KILL KAELIN?" he yells at me.

"Yes!" I cry. "Does that make you feel better? You killed her!" Fury rolls off me in waves. Remus backs down.

"I had to know," he whispers. "I can't go back to life knowing I'm a monster."

"You can't curl up in a helpless ball! We need you too!" I say my voice rising. "You're not the only one who lost someone! Kaelin was my best friend!" I feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks, but I don't stop. "Do you know why? She died for a reason Remus! She died to save me, and every day, I wish she hadn't."

"I heard her," he says. "I heard every word she said, but I will not move on. I'll never move on," he says. "I'm glad she's dead. She doesn't have to live through this war anymore!"

"Then why can't you accept this and move on?" I ask. "None of us will ever forget her, but she wouldn't want you to act like this."

"You can't understand. I'm in love with her. I always will be," he roars. "You have Sirius; he's still living. You've never had to watch him die!"

"You think my time in prison was easy?" I cry. "Every single day I had to wonder if I'd live to see the next minute. I had no word on any of you! That last night, I tried to take my own life because I thought Sirius was dead. I know how it feels to lose someone Remus. You have no idea what it's like to not even know if you'll live to see the next morning as you're laying on a cold stone floor slowly bleeding to death!" I gasp for breath letting my words sink into him.

"You're right," he says finally. "I don't know, and I wish you didn't. You're one of my best friends, and I wish you never had to go through what you did. If I could have saved you, I would have."

"You did," I say quietly. "You and all the others. Kaelin's death saved us all. You're not a monster Remus. Kaelin loved you. She knew you'd be able to handle her dying. She knew you could learn to live again."

"It's been six months. Pain like this doesn't just go away," he says.

"The pain will never go away," I reply. "Not for any of us, but we can become stronger. Voldemort is rising quickly, and we can't grieve any longer. Every moment we're weak could mean someone's death."

"I know," he says. "I know."

"Remus, we need you. We need you to be strong again," I say. "For Kaelin."

"I will," he says. "I will avenge her death." I smiled weakly and hugged him tightly.

"As will I," I say. "Now come on. Siitting here won't bring her back, so let's go join the others. I'm sure Sirius and Harry are getting into lots of trouble."

"You left those two together?" he asks. I nod. "Well, let's hope the house is in one piece when we get there."

Sirius

Harry and I don't have to wait long until Lily returns with a panic stricken James behind her. Peter comes in next. "It has to happen now," he says. "Right now." I jump off the couch, eyes wide.

Lily has tears streaming down her face. "Will someone please tell me what is going on?" she begs. At that moment, a faint pop is heard from the front steps. Sam and Remus come in looking confused at the sight they behold.

"James and I found something at work a few weeks ago. Something big," I say. "We hoped it would pass over before this."

"What's wrong?" Sam asks dashing over and clinging to my arm. I hold her tightly nodding for James to speak.

"Voldemort wants Harry," he says sighing. Lily cries out and grabs the young boy, holding him in her arms and bursting into tears.

"For what?" Remus asks. "He's an infant!"

"We can't say," I say. "Dumbledore seems convinced we have a traitor in the order."

"A traitor?" Sam gasps. "Who?"

"We don't know," James sighs. "I refuse to believe it's one of us, but Dumbledore has forbade us from mentioning the affair."

"What do we do?" Remus asks.

"Fedilius charm," I say. "It's the only way."

"Who will be the secret keeper?" Sam asks.

"Sirius," James says looking right at me. "You've been my best friend since first year. I trust you more than anyone." I nod though I have another plan forming in my head.

"Thanks James. You know I'd give my life for you and Lily, and Harry of course," I say. "None of you can leave the house once the spell is cast." I remind them.

"We know," Lily says. "Let's get this over with."

Sam, Remus, and Peter leave the house that they can not enter once the spell was placed. "Wait James," I whisper before he can cast it. "I can't be the secret keeper."

"Why not?" he asks appalled. I sigh.

"It's too easy for them. They'd know it was me. It has to be someone else," I say.

"Remus?' James asks. I shake my head.

"Still too easy, and I won't put Sam in danger so don't ask," I say. "It has to be Peter. Think about it. No one would suspect the little coward to be chosen. There's no other way."

James thinks about it a moment. I don't dare tell him my real reasoning for choosing Peter over Remus. I have this feeling in the back of my head that Remus is our traitor. I know James hates to contradict or mistrust his friends, so I daren't mention it. "All right," he says. "Get Peter."

"No," I say. We can't cast the spell until tonight. After Remus and Sam go home. No one else can know about the switch. Not even them." James nods.

"We'll act like we've done it," he says. "I have to tell Lily." I nod not expecting James to keep even this from her. I hate that this has to happen, that this has to be so hard on them, but we have no other choice.


	13. Chapter 13

I do not own Harry Potter.

* * *

><p>Sam<p>

Sirius comes out earlier than I expected. James and Lily, of course, have to stay inside, but Sirius is free to come and go as he pleases. He won't look at me, and I know instantly there is something he isn't telling me. But what? I thought we told each other everything?

"It's done," he announces. "Sam, I've arranged to buy the flat next to mine for you to stay in." I nodded. Sirius really did think of everything, even in a crisis. I'll corner him tonight and get him to tell me the truth of what really happened in there. That wasn't nearly enough time to cast the spell!

Sirius slips his hand in mine, and after Peter and Remus apparate, so do we. We end up in a small, one bedroom flat. The living room is painted a pale blue with a big fireplace in the center. It reminds me of the flat I shared with Kaelin, and it takes a lot for me to stay calm.

"If you need anything, I'm next door," Sirius says. Before he can leave, I stop him.

"Wait!" I say. "Please don't leave yet." I can't be alone just yet, and I need to ask him what he's hiding. He nods.

"Okay, I'll stay," he says. I waste no time.

"You're hiding something," I say simply. "I want to know what it is." He freezes as if he never guessed I might be able to tell he was acting weird. Apparently he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.

"It's nothing for you to worry about," he says dismissively making his way to the door. I run in front of him and press my lips to his, but he pulls away quickly.

"Sirius Black. I love you more than anything in the world. I thought you felt the same," I whisper. I see pain flash in his eyes, know I've hurt him, but I don't stop. "How can I trust you if you won't be honest with me?"

He sighs. "We didn't cast the spell," he says finally. I knew it!

"Why?" I asked suddenly concerned. "Did something go wrong?" He shakes his head, and I can tell he isn't going to give anything away freely.

I close my eyes and lean my head on his chest. For a moment, I simply stand there, feeling the faint rise and fall of him breathing, hearing every heartbeat. His hand brushes through my hair absently, and I can tell he's deep in thought." Sirius, I miss Kaelin," I whisper, feeling like a child, but not really caring as I let the tears escape. "Why did I have to get her killed?"

He pushes me away from him and holds me at arms length. "You didn't kill her. It was no one's fault except Voldemort's. You know that," he says. I sigh nodding

"That's my point. All of our futures are uncertain. I don't want to lose you," I say. "But how can I be certain you'll come back every time you go on a mission?"

"We can't be sure of anything right now," he says quietly. "But I promise you I will never leave you. I will always come back."

"Why didn't you cast the spell?" I ask again. He sighs knowing he can't get out of it.

"We're changing the secret keeper," he says. Well, I didn't expect that.

"To who?" I ask surprised. He shakes his head.

"I can't tell you. It's for your protection as well as James and Lily's," he says. I nod. At least I got the truth.

"Does Remus know?" I ask. Sirius's expression becomes cloudy, and he shakes his head.

"He doesn't know anything," he says. I decide it's best not to ask, so instead I nod.

"Promise no more secrets?" I ask.

"I promise," he says. I smile and kiss him again; this time he responds.

"Sirius?" I ask breaking away. "Let's get married." I see a smile playing on his lips as he leans down to kiss me again.

Sirius

It's the middle of the night, and I'm standing at Peter's doorstep. He still doesn't know what I'm about to ask of him. I don't even know if he'll accept, but I hope to death he will. He wouldn't refuse his best friends would he?

I knock quickly, not wanting to be outside in the open any longer than I have to. My mind is still replaying the last conversation I had with Sam. She wants to get married. I remember the words we had.

"_You really mean it?" I asked. "You really want to get married?" She smiles._

"_Yes," she says seriously. "Any day, someone could die, or be lost. I can't let that happen to you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."_

"_I love you," I said, and I really meant it. I'd never been surer of anything in my entire life._

The door opens, and Peter's head sticks out looking frightened. He relaxes considerably when he realizes it's me, and I wonder who he thinks would be knocking on his door at two in the morning.

"Padfoot?" he asks as if not believing it's really me.

"It's me Wormtail," I say. "Now let me in before Voldemort shows up and kills us both." My last sentence seems to scare him, and he quickly opens the door inviting me in.

"Why are you here?" he asks shutting the door. His flat is extremely dark; I don't know how he can stand it.

"I have a favor to ask of you," I say feeling really out of place in his flat. It resembles the little rat like man perfectly. Small and messy. "A big favor."

"Which is?" he asks.

"I need you to be the secret keeper for James, Lily, and Harry," I say. "You'd be the last one anyone would expect. You're perfect for the job." Peter looks taken aback by my statement, but quickly recovers.

"Wouldn't Remus be a better candidate?" he asks. "He's so much braver than me." I shake my head.

"It has to be you," I say. "Will you do it?"

"Why did you come to ask me this at two in the morning?" he asks confused.

"We have to do it now. Before Voldemort comes after Harry," I explain. "Will you do it?"

Peter nods. "I'll do it," he says. I nod. "Let's go." We apparate to the front door of James's house. He lets us in without a word.

"Is Lily asleep?" I ask quietly. James nods.

"She's got a lot of stress and worry on her right now," he says. "Let's do this."

"Okay," I say. "I've altered the spell so you three may leave on one occasion. I hope you don't mind, but I've already chosen the occasion."

"Which is?" James asks.

"My wedding," I say. "Next week."

"A wedding?" I hear Lily ask as she comes down the steps wiping her eyes. "At a time like this?"

"I almost lost Sam once. I won't take the chance of not marrying her incase something else should happen," I say. Lily smiles.

"We'll be there," she says. James nods.

"Let's get this over with," I say opening the door. "I'll wait outside until the spell is placed so as Peter can get home safely." Peter nods looking frightened.

"Thank you for agreeing to this Peter," Lily says quietly. Peter nods silently, and I close the door behind me. Years later, I'll wish I'd never done this.

A/N: What's going to happen next? Will the spell work? Will the wedding be crashed by death eaters? Will Peter decide to switch to the good side? Hmm...


	14. Chapter 14

I do not own Harry Potter.

* * *

><p>Something Old<p>

Something New

Something Borrowed

Something Blue

Sam

With my heart pounding and my breathing shallow, I can hardly bear to sit still as Lily twists my hair into some elaborate style. I find myself staring at the silky material which hags beside me. The light pink roses adorning the dress seem to glow in the soft light.

"Samantha, if you don't sit still, I'm going to tear your hair out!" Lily threatens. I force myself to stop moving and instead focus on not screaming as Lily tugs my hair. "Why are you so jumpy?" Lily sounds exasperated, and I pity her. I'm not exactly being helpful.

"I can't help it," I protest. "You're taking too long!" Lily sighs.

"I'm done," she says. "Let's get your dress on. I nod and stand up resisting the urge to touch my hair. Lily would probably have a heart attack.

I strip down to my underclothes but refuse to take off the bracelet I've worn since first year. Now slightly small for my wrist, the string has long since faded, but remains intact. Some old.

I step onto the platform, and Lily helps me step into the dress. The sheer material brushes against my skin, and the sequins shimmer. Something new.

I slip on the heels Lily insisted I wear. The same ones she wore for her own wedding. I feel unstable in them, but don't tell her that. Something borrowed.

My locket, embedded with sapphires shines. I finger the necklace remember the day it was given to me. Something blue.

I look into the round mirror hanging on the wall. Standing before me, a carefully painted face dressed in a breathtaking dress smiles back. I can barely recognize the face in the mirror. I no longer resemble the little girl I still hold onto. The woman in the mirror radiates power and elegance. She resides in intimidating beauty. The little girl I've come to know so well no longer exists; she has been replaced by this new wonder.

"You look stunning," Lily says beaming. "I'll go get your veil." She bustles out of the room closing the door behind her. For a moment, I simply stare at the alien in the mirror.

The soft click of the door startles me, and I turn around expecting Lily. I'm surprised to see James. He smiles. "Wow," he says. Nothing else. He doesn't need to. I understand.

"I know," I say. "I look nothing like myself." That part is true. I'd never wear this in real life.

"You look amazing," he says. "Really amazing." I shrug jumping off of the platform and just barely managing to land without breaking my ankle in these heels.

"Careful!" James warns catching my arm just before I tumble over. "Yup. It's still Sam." I smile.

"What are you doing in here?" I ask. "I thought you'd be with Sirius."

"I was. Lily sent me. Seems to think Padfoot's going to try to break in," he grins. "Not that I'd stop him of course."

"Where is he?" I ask suddenly desperate to see him, to know he's feeling the same way about all this. Exhilarated and terrified.

"Probably pacing around the room next door," he says. "Lily locked him in. He's been begging me to let him out for that last hour and a half." I smile.

"I seem to remember another someone doing exactly the same thing at his wedding," I say grinning. James laughs.

"Well? I was tired of waiting," he says. "I'll never understand what takes girls so long to get ready."

"James," I say. "I'm scared. I'm not sure I can go up there." He smiles

"Yes you can," he says. "Sirius will be with you, and you'll have the rest of us supporting you both. It's Sirius we may have to give a little push. He's more terrified that you."

"I highly doubt it," I say smiling. "How's Remus?" James shrugs.

"He's doing better. He's helping Peter and your dad finish the decorations," he says. "Under your mothers strict guidance." I laugh. If my mother's helping, Lord help them.

"They'll be moving stuff around forever," I say. "Maybe you should go help them?" James shakes his head.

"Oh no. Because if I leave, the first thing you'll do is go next door and unlock that door," he says. "I'm not that dumb." I don't protest because that's exactly what I was planning on doing.

"Fine," I say. "At least help me back up there before Lily gets back," I say pointing to the two-foot high platform. In these heels, I'll be lucky if I don't break my neck. James laughs and takes my arm, helping me onto the platform.

Lily hurries into the room, shoos James away, and grins at me. "You ready?" she asked. I shake my head.

"Not really," I say. "Can I see Sirius now?' Lily gasps.

"No! It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride beforehand!" she says. I sigh.

"Just for one second?" I beg, sticking my lip out and batting my eyes. She glares at me.

"Fine. I'll make a window through the wall so he can't see your dress," she says. I sigh, but agree.

With a flick of her wand, a small window opens up from nowhere cutting through the wall. I step forward so only my face can be seen. Sirius paces back and forth with his hands behind his back. Every so often he stops and begs James to let him out.

"Sirius," I call softly. He looks up startled and looks around for my voice. I smile when his eyes land on me.

"Sam?" he asks. "How-"

"Lily," I say. I look back at Lily. "Um- I think James wants you." Lily nods, getting my message but raising her eyebrows in warning at me.

"Lily's got us both on tight leashes," he comments. I smile.

"I think she's just happy to be out of that house," I say. "Where's Harry anyway?"

"Last I saw him, your mom had him," he says. I laugh.

"Lily will be lucky if she ever gets him back," I say. We're both silent for a moment. "Sirius, I'm scared."

"Of what?' he asks.

"What if something goes wrong?" I say. "What if we get attacked? I feel like we're putting everyone in danger."

"Trust me," he says. "There's more protection on this place, then there is at Hogwarts. At this point, the most we've got to worry about is Lily." I smile and begin to feel better.

"I love you," I say.

"I love you too," he says just as Lily walks in the door.

"Times up!" she announces closing off the window. "Time for you to walk down that aisle!" I take a deep breath and follow her out of the room. The big oak doors outside of the church are poised to open.

My father stands beside me. "You're all grown up now," he says sadly. "You're leaving." I smile.

"No. Just starting a new adventure," I say. I take his arm just as the doors begin to open.


	15. Chapter 15

This is it. The end of Losing Hope. The end of Sam and Sirius. I do not own Harry Potter.

* * *

><p>Epilogue:<p>

Rain beats the windows of the houses along the street. A man with a fake eye and leg stamps a large stick on the ground three times. A grating sound erupts from the building as it begins to stretch apart revealing the secret address. Number 12, Grimauld Place.

Inside, a younger man by the name of Sirius Black stared out the window at the rainy street below. His long dark hair lay in tangled knots just above his shoulders; his skin marked with tattoos. His sunken expression from years of depression made him look much older than he really was. His time in Azkaban had changed him in ways nothing else could.

Papers lay scattered about the floor of the room; the bed lay unmade, and the floor could not be seen. The room was never clean. Not since he was a boy.

A knock on the door startled him from his sleepless dreaming, and a young boy with messy hair and glasses stood in the doorway. Sirius almost smiled at the sight of his, now fifteen year old, godson. The only family he had left.

"Sirius?" Harry asked when he saw the look of his Godfather's face. He often worried about his godfather's health, as Sirius spent most of his time locked away in his room. Since Harry had come to Grimauld Place a few weeks earlier, Sirius had brightened up a bit, but not enough to hide the sorrow that glinted in his eyes, replacing the once joyful gaze. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Sirius said not wanting to alarm his godson. In reality, he was not okay. He never was okay. Not since it happened. "What are you doing up here?"

Harry seemed to blush. "I wanted to ask you a question," he said finally. "A—about a girl." Sirius's expression softened, and he did laugh now. Harry, so unlike his father, became very shy and quiet when it came to girls.

Sitting in one of the two chairs in the room, he motioned for Harry to take the other. "Tell me about this girl," he said. "Anyone I know?" Harry quickly shook his head refusing to tell who this mystery girl was.

"She's a sixth year," he admitted looking at the ground. Sirius chuckled.

"After the older women are you then?" he teased. "What's her name?"

After a long pause, Harry finally whispered, "Cho." Sirius nodded.

"Does she like you?" he asked. Harry shrugged.

"She was going out with Cedric," he mumbled.

"I see," Sirius said. "Well, you've gotta be better than he was. Show her what a great guy you are." Harry looked confused.

"How?" he asked. Sirius stared at him.

"How?" he repeated. "You're Harry Potter! The boy who lived! He was Cedric, the boy in Hufflepuff who was killed by Voldemort. He's got nothing over you." Harry seemed to consider this a moment.

"Sirius?" he asked again. "Was there ever a girl in your life? I mean, a special girl?" Harry, like many others, had heard of Sirius's player habits.

Sirius sighed thinking back to the day he hated remembering. Slowly, he began to nod. "Yes," he half whispered. "There was—once."

"What was her name?" Harry asked curiously.

Sirius smiled as memories rushed through his mind. "Sam. Her name was Sam." Standing, he walked over to the small desk in the room and opened the drawer he'd kept locked ever since that night. He removed the picture, gazing at it momentarily before handing it to his godson.

Harry stared at the picture for a while. "What was she like?" he asked. Sirius laughed.

"She was perfect. She was funny, sweet, and beautiful. My best friend even before your dad," he said. He handed him another picture. His favorite of all the ones he kept. "That's her." He pointed to one of the six figures in the picture.

"She was really pretty," Harry, said, "Is that you?" He pointed to the younger version of Sirius holding Sam tightly in his arms. Sirius nodded.

"That's your parents," he said pointing again. Harry smiled.

"Who's that?" he asked pointing to the girl Remus held. "With Remus."

"Kaelin. If you want to know more about her, ask Remus," Sirius said. "Just be careful. He's touchy about the subject." Harry nodded still watching the picture.

"What happened to Sam?" he asked. Sirius sighed. He knew the question would come eventually.

"Well," he began.

_***Flashback Sirius's POV**_

_ Burning ash covered the remains of the ruined house. I could hear screams coming from Sam as she dashed into the wreckage. I watched, shocked at the scene before me. People ran out of their homes desperate to see what had happened. I needed no information. The skull poised above the rubble gave me all my answers. Peter. _

_ I followed Sam slowly, we climbed the stairs in silence, both terrified of what we would find. I saw it before she did. The body of my best friend sprawled across the landing. An expression of terror and anger still masked his face. His glassy eyes stared up at the sky. James. _

_ "No!" I yelled flinging myself past Sam, refusing to believe my best friend was dead. I'd seen him just six months ago, at my wedding. He couldn't be gone! How? Peter couldn't betray us! He couldn't!_

_ I heard Sam's strangled cry from the room to the left. Harry's nursery. Wiping tears from my eyes, I made my way past his body and found Sam clinging to Lily's fragile corpse. The fear in her green eyes now frozen forever. _

_ A small cry from across the room alerted us the small boy in the crib. Wailing, one-year-old Harry watched his mother lying unmoving on the ground. Sam picked him up and rocked him gently calming him down. I heard Hagrid's loud voice booming through the house._

_ "Is anyone there?" he called. _

_ "We're here!" I said, my voice sounding strangled. Hagrid climbed the steps taking in the scene around him. _

_ "Dumbledore sent me for Harry," he said. "We're going to take him to his Aunt and Uncle's." Sam gasped._

_ "What about us?" she begged. "We'll take him!" Hagrid shook his head._

_ "I'm afraid Dumbledore ordered it," he said. "Said you guys had your own business to take care of." I stepped forward._

_ "Take the bike," I said. My motorcycle, charmed to fly, and most prized possession. "I don't need it." Hagrid nodded, and Sam reluctantly handed over the screaming child. _

_ Within moments, they were gone, and Sam and I simply stood in the wreckage. "I have to go," I said. Sam looked frightened. _

_ "Go where?" she gasped. "Peter. Peter was the secret keeper. Wasn't he?" I nodded. She burst into tears._

_ "I I remember now!" she cried. "He he was a traitor. He was there when I was captured. He gave me the memory modifier."_

_ "I should have known he was a traitor," I hissed. She continued to cry._

_ "This is all my fault!" she cried. I grabbed her and hugged her tightly. I kissed her softly. _

_ "It's no one's fault except his own. I'm going after him. You go home," I said. She shook her head._

_ "I'm coming with you," she said. The fire in her eyes told me there was no changing her mind. As much as I wanted to keep her safe, she's come whether I said yes or not._

_ "All right," I said. _

_Two hours later, we had him cornered. The little rat had his wand out, hundreds of muggles in plain view. "I'm going to kill you Peter. How could you betray them like this? Betray all of us?" I said. _

"_You killed them Peter!" Sam skrieked. "You killed Lily and James. You killed Kaelin! You almost killed me! Why? Why would you do that?" _

_I knew what he was going to do instantly, the moment he raised his wand, and there was nothing I could do. Before I could move a fraction of an inch, the explosion went off. Throwing me backwards, I lost sight of Sam. _

"_Sam!" I screamed desperate to find her. Why did I let her come? Why? "Sam!" I pushed through the rubble and found her lying on the ground, blood pouring onto the pavement. Her eyes were closed, and she didn't move. Screaming, I tore the rocks away from her body. I tried everything. Everything. It was no use. She was dead, and I couldn't save her. _

_They came. Oh they came. Hundreds of them. Dragging me to the prison I spent the next twelve years rotting inside. I was blamed for the murder of Sam, for Lily and James. Even for Peter. _

_I was told I would scream every night, making people think I'd gone insane. Maybe I had. After I lost Sam, the moment when I knew she wasn't coming back, something broke inside of me. Something that can never be repaired. _

Sirius finished his story, and Harry simply listened. When he was done, Harry looked knowingly at his Godfather. "You're not a murderer," he said quietly. "Sam wouldn't want you to think that."

With that, he left Sirius alone in the room. Sirius simply sat slumped in the chair for hours as each moment of that night replayed over and over again in his head. It had haunted his dreams each night since it happened. He relived it thousands of times while in Azkaban. Each time he closed his eyes; all he could see was Sam's mangled body underneath the rubble.

Her last words still rang in his mind. The words he'd left out of the story. The words he'd never repeat again to another living soul. "I love you."


End file.
